Purchased professional services, or: Don’t try this at home

Picking blueberries is an entertaining but ultimately unsustainable way to save money

You know the drill. You’re gonna save some money and do things you normally outsource yourself. Maybe shave a few bucks off an oil change or a haircut. I’m here to provide some wisdom: Don’t.

The people who provide many of the services we pay for are professionals. The extra you pay is for their experience. You cannot do their jobs as well as they can, JESSICA. See, I went on saving money by doing things myself kick and it has been pretty unreservedly disastrous. I really want to be fiscally responsible. I really do. It just hasn’t been going well.

Some cases in point

My car’s battery did some terrible things and I thought I would replace it. I’ve done it before and it blows, seriously not a fun experience, but it is a whole lot cheaper to do some amateur mechanical work than to have a car towed to a shop and have them work on it. At first. But when you use your desk jockey ab muscles to lift a battery into a car single-handedly, things get ouchy. The car is running now, but I spent most of my Christmas vacation walking slowly and painfully and the chiropractor and massage therapist visits probably more than equal what the car repair would have cost. See? See?! I cost myself money.

Tonight, I thought I would save myself $25 and wax my eyebrows myself. Mistake! Big mistake! Sure it cost less to buy and apply my own wax, but can you put a price on half of your eyebrow? I could, and it would be $25. Luckily, I have quite a lot of eyebrow, so I still have more than enough, but yikes!

Lesson: Don’t be cheap. Normally, the lesson for me is stop spending so much money at Sephora.com, but apparently I overcorrected in some respects.

Things you could do yourself that probably wouldn’t result in tears

1. Cooking. Okay, this could be dangerous. But many billions of people cook for themselves and make it out okay. Right?
2. Make your own coffee. Ick. But you could do it.

That’s literally all I could come up with. I am a pampered child of the modern age and am pretty much unable to do anything of my own. But I’m soliciting ideas! What could I do to save money that would not result in bodily injury or disfigurement? Tell me in the comments!