Seafood in Arizona: A guide (+recipe)

Damn, I’m good

The really great thing about being a seafood lover in Arizona is how exciting (read: dangerous) your life is. And how challenging. I have legit stood next to the local natural food store’s hideously expensive fish counter and sniffed openly. I don’t give a fuuuuck. Every time I pick up a piece of sashimi with my chopsticks, I think, “I might die from this.” I’ll sniff your goddamn $21.99 a pound salmon if I want to, New Frontiers!

I wrote a post about the things in life you should pay more for. Hint: seafood in Arizona is one of them. It’s unnatural and not very sustainable (and dee-licious). Some of the sushi I’ve eaten here has flown a better class of flight than I ever will. I’m okay with that.

So dining out on seafood in Arizona? Nearly hilarious in the absurdity. I recently attended a dinner where (someone else) was forced to pay $28 for like, four scallops. Y’all, I buy a pound of scallops (so 10ish) for $20ish dollars and it feeds two very hungry seafood lovahs. I recently perfected this recipe, which takes the lovely light flavor of scallops and blends it with citrus and toasted nuts. And butter, because I’m 28 and I can still do that for two to three more years.

Best Damn Scallops (of All Time)

A pound of dry sea scallops (don’t cheap out and get the bay ones, I’ll know and I’ll be MAD)

Juice from one lime

1 cup of chardonnay or other dry white wine

Five cloves of garlic, minced

A tablespoon’s worth of fresh herbs, including but not limited to sage, thyme, chives

1/2 tsp of fresh cilantro

Dash of salt

Peppa (to taste)

Butta (to taste/at your cardiologist’s discretion)

Pine nuts (to taste/at your wallet’s discretion)

Dash of Mrs. Dash original

1. Heat a saucepan with olive oil on medium for like, three minutes.

2. Put herbs and garlic in and saute for two minutes.

3. Add wine, lime juice and an itty bit of salt. Reduce to half. If you’re at a high altitude, plan for like 15-20 minutes. If you’re not at a high altitude, I hate you and hope your reduction burns.

4. Heat the most gigantic frying pan you own plus some olive oil over high heat. Really high. When the pan starts smoking a bit, it’s ready. If you’re not moderately concerned about the smoke alarm going off, it isn’t hot enough.

4. Meanwhile, cut the weirdo little muscle off the side of the scallops. *shivers*

5. Pat the scallops dry with a paper towel or several. Put salt and peppa on each side of ’em.

6. Plop the scallops in the pan, as far away from each other as you can get them. Wait two minutes (literally two minutes) and turn them over. Wait one minute and take them out of the pan and put them on plates. Cover with foil.

7. Put some butta in the itty bittiest pan you own on low-medium heat. Let it get melty, then add pine nuts.

8. Do NOT under any circumstances think you can leave the kitchen or take your eyes offa the pine nuts for a second. Give them fiveish minutes and they’ll be toasty.

9. After the sauce is reduced, take off heat for a minute, then add the Mrs. Dash and butta. Swirl it all together.

10. Pour the sauce over your scallops.

11. Pour the pine nuts over the scallops. Serve.