This is 28

I shoulda just stayed at home with this sweet baboo

Lost 
I rather ignominiously spent my last day being 27 lost in the forest, so already 28 is better in comparison. Yesterday I went up the Observatory Mesa trail and ended up finding my way back to civilization at Highway 180 and Schultz Pass Road. For those of you playing at home, I basically walked from downtown Flagstaff up a mesa and kind of around a mesa and then took the way long way back. I planned on walking 3.2 miles in 2 hours (shut up, it’s uphill!) and ended up doing more like 13 (okay, my iPod has a strange idea of distance, but it was a loooong way) in 4.45 hours.  Thanks to my beautiful livesaving iPhone, my corpse is not currently being picked apart by woodland creatures, which is what I thought would happen for hours three and four.

I want to emphasize I am totes okay; I was lost within the city limits pretty much the whole time. I was wearing SPF 70 and had water and a phone that had surprisingly good service, and the battery on my iPod never ran out. The only lasting effects are that the backs of my legs are sunburned (the fronts are still Smurf blue-white, go figure) and now many people in my family are more convinced than ever that I shouldn’t be allowed out in the world on my own, which I guess I probably deserve.

Life lessons
There’s a lesson here, I thought as I trudged through neverending forest. I don’t know what the lesson is, but there definitely is one. Is this like a metaphor for my life or something? This is the problem with metaphorical life lessons and me–I am too literal to get them. I took a wrong turn and ended up going way out of my way? I couldn’t see the forest for all the damn trees (so many trees, all of which look the same)? I wouldn’t ask for help (mostly because the lone deer I saw didn’t really look like it was into giving directions, and all the chipmunks scampered away before I could flag them down)?

WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN. Yeah, I dunno. But I am mos def going to download some hiking trails on my phone. And bring snacks next time, because hiking for almost five hours makes a girl hungee.

Hapless, hapless, hapless
One of my friends’ daughters just moved to L.A., and while I think it may be a bad idea for her, I completely envy her having an adventure. I never had an adventure and I am super old  and into sephora.com now and probably won’t. I totally thought about NEVER EVER telling anyone about THIS little adventure ever, but nothing even mildly interesting ever happens to me and I like to bring interesting stuff to the small talk table, you know? Sure it’s embarrassing I got lost in one of the most-used recreation areas in Flag, but anyone who has known me for more than five minutes knows I’m kind of hapless. Admit it, you guys aren’t surprised. Amused, but not surprised.

I’m actually a very sensible, risk-averse person. I just have no sense of direction.

28 years young!
Today I decided no forest, no hiking, no adventure. I’ve been bumming around town and around the house and sephora.com–that last one is plenty dangerous but I certainly know my way around! I think I’ve met my adventure quota for quite a while, but in a way I’m glad to put 27 behind me, and glad I feel that way. I guess that’s the one advantage in getting older–putting all the embarrassing/stupid/embarrassing AND stupid shit you’ve done in the last year in the rearview. Also, cake.